I'm doing another one of these today since I skipped yesterday. Given the subject matter, before I keep going, I will state that this could possibly be triggering. Proceed at your own risk.
I've thought about ending my life several times, mostly during my first major depressive cycle when I was in middle/high school. I was bullied a lot during that time, mostly for being smart and skipping a grade (why this makes you bully fodder at a school for intellectually gifted people I don't know). I didn't have a whole lot of friends and felt really isolated, and for some reason I didn't tell anyone what was going on. During that time I thought most about ending my life. I actually only tried once, and it was the most half-assed try in the world, with scissors that didn't even leave any marks. I don't really remember why I stopped, whether it just hurt or something else stopped me, but that was my only attempt. Even after that, I didn't tell anyone what was going on, and so I didn't have any therapy until I was in college and went on my own. So even though I thought about it a lot, I never really gave it a go.
Thankfully, since then I haven't had such bad depression. I do, however, have generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder. Simply put, I will have panic attacks about the weirdest shit and they are debilitating. It's hellacious when I can't deal with it. I was on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication for a couple of years. I also did several rounds of therapy-two at Iowa State, and one while I was in Washington DC. During this last round of therapy (2009, and it was intensive) I was able to stop taking both of those and use some coping techniques to keep my anxiety levels from skyrocketing. It's working really well so far, although I'm aware that I might need to go back on medication someday.
So that's the story of my one suicide attempt and my current mental health issues, which thankfully have turned out to be fairly minor.
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