I got quite the surprise on Tuesday evening. I was just checking my email for the millionth time, not expecting to have anything remotely important in my inbox, when I saw a message from the chair of Iowa State's Micro program. That would be the PhD program I just got accepted to. The title of the email didn't set off any bells in my head, so I opened it. That's when I got the surprise!!!! (Exclamation points added to make it look surprising.) Apparently the faculty in the Micro program nominated me for an AGEP fellowship! AGEP stands for the Alliance for Graduate Education and the Professoriate, and they reach underrepresented minorities in science and engineering. I had heard of them before because there were some people on an AGEP internship in 2006 when I did my Carver internship, but I didn't know they had a graduate fellowship or that I would even qualify. See, my family decided to go hide in the mountains during Indian Removal, and somehow they managed to pretend to be white for more than a century (Don't ask me how; I have photos of these people and they are not remotely white.) So I have no tribal registration and no official blood quantum, and the Eastern Band has been less than helpful in my family's quest to get us enrolled. Anyway, I don't look super Native either, so sometimes I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle to prove that I'm a minority, and thus I don't even think about minority scholarships as possibilities.
But I digress! Anyhow, the faculty in the IM (interdepartmental microbiology) program think that I'm awesome enough to have this AGEP fellowship. That means that I get paid $25,ooo a year instead of $20,000, guaranteed for five years. It also means that the professor I choose as my PI will have less to have to pay out because I have some external funds of my own, so I may have a little more leeway in terms of who I can work with. I am really happy because now it's likely that I won't have to take out any loans for graduate school!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
I got in!
So I was going to write this long post about my interview at Iowa State, and then I put it off for a week, and last Thursday I got an email saying that I was accepted to the Interdepartmental Microbiology PhD program! So it seems a little silly to write a huge post about my interview. Instead I'm writing a short post that says yay!! I got in! So obviously I'm going. I start in August. Now I have to find an apartment and get that part squared away.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Pending Change in my Future
Next Tuesday, I'm driving from Detroit to Ames, IA. I like Ames. Ames is a sweet place. I did my undergrad degree at Iowa State. For some reason, when I graduated, I never thought I would go back, even though I love the place. So I'm a little bemused because next Tuesday, I'm going to Ames to interview with the microbiology graduate program. I applied in the winter for the PhD program there. Initially I thought about applying to some other schools, but the more I looked, the more I realized that I didn't want to go anywhere except back to Iowa State. So I said 'to hell with it' and have staked all of my chances at even higher education on ISU. Since I've made to the interview stage, I've already passed the first cut of applicants. At this point I'm not even sure there is a second cut to be made, or if it's pretty much a given. (For the record, interviews did make a difference at Wake Forest, but if you were interviewed you were in at UMass, so I've experienced it both ways.)
Obviously, I am nervous as hell. I have an anxiety disorder to begin with, so I already fight with myself not to indulge in giant anxiety spirals of destruction. This is hard not to freak out about. Not only to I have to run the interview gauntlet, but I'm driving out there and back alone, which makes me worry about everything from the car breaking down to getting lost and ending up in Kentucky instead. Then of course once I get there, I have to run the interview gauntlet without sounding like an idiot, and there's always the question of whether I will be interrogated about the Great Georgetown Debacle of 2008-09. So yeah. I'm nervous.
Obviously, I am nervous as hell. I have an anxiety disorder to begin with, so I already fight with myself not to indulge in giant anxiety spirals of destruction. This is hard not to freak out about. Not only to I have to run the interview gauntlet, but I'm driving out there and back alone, which makes me worry about everything from the car breaking down to getting lost and ending up in Kentucky instead. Then of course once I get there, I have to run the interview gauntlet without sounding like an idiot, and there's always the question of whether I will be interrogated about the Great Georgetown Debacle of 2008-09. So yeah. I'm nervous.
Monday, February 14, 2011
2.14.2011
I think I'm getting sick. I went home early from work because I was so tired, and my head hurt like crazy, and after dinner I started feeling grumbly in the GI tract. I'm sucking down ginger ale, but I have a feeling that I might be working from home tomorrow.
I usually don't have the opportunity to work from home, because I work in a cancer biology lab, but on Tuesdays there's no cell culture to be done unless I'm setting up experiments. There's no experiment to set up this week, so no bench work tomorrow. Right now I'm actually working on the lab budget. My supervisor is working on a grant proposal and we need to include a budget. Since we just became our own lab, we're still trying to figure out how much everything costs. So that's what I'm doing, and I can keep working on that at home. It's interesting and enlightening because I never realized how much some of the stuff we use costs. I can definitely understand the stress of getting grants and keeping them, because without money the whole lab just falls apart. It makes me a little nervous about my future, since grant funding from the NIH is getting harder and harder to come by, but I'm sure it will work out. If all else fails there are usually jobs available at biotech or pharmaceutical companies, so I could always join the dark side and work in industry. Maybe there will be more grants available by the time I'd need to apply for them (I'm not holding my breath) which would make it a little easier. It's like a decade away so I'm not obsessing too much about it right now. But it has been good to get some experience working on a grant, because it's usually some kind of nebulous thing to a grad student in science. You know that you need them to run a lab and have a career, but you don't really know how it all works until suddenly you need a grant. Crazy, huh?
I usually don't have the opportunity to work from home, because I work in a cancer biology lab, but on Tuesdays there's no cell culture to be done unless I'm setting up experiments. There's no experiment to set up this week, so no bench work tomorrow. Right now I'm actually working on the lab budget. My supervisor is working on a grant proposal and we need to include a budget. Since we just became our own lab, we're still trying to figure out how much everything costs. So that's what I'm doing, and I can keep working on that at home. It's interesting and enlightening because I never realized how much some of the stuff we use costs. I can definitely understand the stress of getting grants and keeping them, because without money the whole lab just falls apart. It makes me a little nervous about my future, since grant funding from the NIH is getting harder and harder to come by, but I'm sure it will work out. If all else fails there are usually jobs available at biotech or pharmaceutical companies, so I could always join the dark side and work in industry. Maybe there will be more grants available by the time I'd need to apply for them (I'm not holding my breath) which would make it a little easier. It's like a decade away so I'm not obsessing too much about it right now. But it has been good to get some experience working on a grant, because it's usually some kind of nebulous thing to a grad student in science. You know that you need them to run a lab and have a career, but you don't really know how it all works until suddenly you need a grant. Crazy, huh?
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Viruses :/
My poor computer got a virus somehow. This was a super lame virus because my antivirus could see it but couldn't delete it for some reason. Anyway, I tried a million things and none of them worked so I reformatted the computer. Well, sort of, I reinstalled Windows cleanly. I couldn't do a reformat from the Dell thing. Anyway, hopefully this worked and I don't have any more viruses. It's such a pain to deal with this stuff. At least I can do it myself though. I'd hate to have to take my computer in to someplace and have them try and do it.
Monday, January 31, 2011
1.31.2011
We buried my grandfather on Saturday. He died last Wednesday, surrounded by all of his children and my granny. Except for being in the hospital, it was pretty much the way he wanted to go. The service was simple, but it was nice; as nice as a funeral can be, anyway. It was very difficult, very exhausting. I'm mostly concerned now about my granny. She's never been alone, and she was kind of brought up to fear being alone. I don't know how she'll manage as she moves into life as a single person for the first time ever. Thankfully, the money situation seems to be better. My grandpa's daughter Barb bought a condo, hoping that my grandparents could move in together. Obviously my grandpa didn't make it, but she promised him that she would take care of my granny. So my granny can live there rent-free for as long as she wants. All of my grandfather's kids are pretty awesome. Funerals bring out the best or the worst in people, and this time the best came out.
I said a little tiny thing at the funeral when they asked for stories about my grandfather John. Here's what I said.
"When I was really little, for some unknown reason I decided that I wanted to be called Fred. The only person who indulged me in this insanity was John. He called me Fred for the rest of my life. Every time I would come to his house, he would say 'Hey Fred' or 'How's school, Fred?' I'm really going to miss being called Fred."
I said a little tiny thing at the funeral when they asked for stories about my grandfather John. Here's what I said.
"When I was really little, for some unknown reason I decided that I wanted to be called Fred. The only person who indulged me in this insanity was John. He called me Fred for the rest of my life. Every time I would come to his house, he would say 'Hey Fred' or 'How's school, Fred?' I'm really going to miss being called Fred."
Monday, January 24, 2011
1.24.2011
My grandfather is much worse. At this point we are being told that it is hours to days. The situation is pretty much as crappy as it can possibly be. There's not a lot else to say about it right now.
Work is actually going pretty well. Aliccia has come up with a bunch of different experiments, and she is planning them all in a way that enables us to get out several papers fairly quickly. I'm plating for an ATP assay this week, and next week I'm plating for a ROS assay and making virus for an array knockdown. It's a lot of work, especially since we moved and don't have everything in place yet, but it's nice to be actually planning real experiments instead of just sitting around. Aliccia also said that the goal is to have at least one paper in publication/in press with my name on it by the time I leave for graduate school.
At least, I hope I'll be leaving for graduate school. My application to Iowa State's microbiology PhD program has been complete and in the committee's hands for a little more than a week now. I'm trying to be patient, although that isn't my best trait. I'm really hoping to hear something by mid-February, at least an invitation to come interview. I'm fairly confident that I'll get into the program, but it's not a sure thing and I'm extremely nervous. I really don't want to go anywhere else for graduate school, and I'm not sure what I'll do if I don't get in. If all else fails, I can take a couple of classes at Wayne State and then reapply next year, but I really want to get moving with my life.
Work is actually going pretty well. Aliccia has come up with a bunch of different experiments, and she is planning them all in a way that enables us to get out several papers fairly quickly. I'm plating for an ATP assay this week, and next week I'm plating for a ROS assay and making virus for an array knockdown. It's a lot of work, especially since we moved and don't have everything in place yet, but it's nice to be actually planning real experiments instead of just sitting around. Aliccia also said that the goal is to have at least one paper in publication/in press with my name on it by the time I leave for graduate school.
At least, I hope I'll be leaving for graduate school. My application to Iowa State's microbiology PhD program has been complete and in the committee's hands for a little more than a week now. I'm trying to be patient, although that isn't my best trait. I'm really hoping to hear something by mid-February, at least an invitation to come interview. I'm fairly confident that I'll get into the program, but it's not a sure thing and I'm extremely nervous. I really don't want to go anywhere else for graduate school, and I'm not sure what I'll do if I don't get in. If all else fails, I can take a couple of classes at Wayne State and then reapply next year, but I really want to get moving with my life.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
1.16.2011
My grandfather is back in the hospital. He had another stroke today. The tumor is pressing on his heart so much that it makes his blood pressure drop and then he starts throwing blood clots. It's very possible that this will happen over and over until he dies.
This is horrible. I can't say anything else.
This is horrible. I can't say anything else.
Monday, January 10, 2011
1.10.2011
Today we moved out of Steve's lab and into Dr. Bepler's lab. I am so relieved to be off the eighth floor. It was getting too awkward and really weird and dramatic. I don't really want to talk shit about people, but I will say that some people could benefit from acting like adults. It was not fun sitting there wondering what people were thinking and saying when I hadn't done anything wrong. But it's all over now, and I'm on the sixth floor. I met all of Dr. Bepler's lab people and they all seem really nice. Dr. Bepler is really nice too-he wrote a letter of recommendation for me when Steve refused to. I'm looking forward to the rest of my tenure at Karmanos now.
As for my grandfather, he's out of the hospital and at home. He has extensive stage small cell lung cancer, which is the kind people usually get from smoking and definitely the crappiest kind of lung cancer to get. He chose to try chemotherapy, which he starts tomorrow, but it is not nice chemo and I'm really concerned that it will actually shorten his life. But I'm glad that he's not in the hospital anymore, because I would hate to die in a hospital. It's rough on my grandmother. It's rough on all of us, really.
As for my grandfather, he's out of the hospital and at home. He has extensive stage small cell lung cancer, which is the kind people usually get from smoking and definitely the crappiest kind of lung cancer to get. He chose to try chemotherapy, which he starts tomorrow, but it is not nice chemo and I'm really concerned that it will actually shorten his life. But I'm glad that he's not in the hospital anymore, because I would hate to die in a hospital. It's rough on my grandmother. It's rough on all of us, really.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2010 In Review
I like doing these questions every year, because it's easier than trying to sum up the whole year without any prompts.
1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
I got in a car accident. I joined a gym. I visited someone in the hospital.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Not really. My weight plateaued this year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not anyone particularly close to me, although I know several acquaintances who popped out babies.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes, my great aunt Barbara.
5. What countries did you visit?
Canada.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
Certainty about graduate school.
7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory?
My great aunt Barbara died on Memorial Day. I paid off my student loans on December 2nd.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Paying off my student loans completely.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not losing thirty pounds.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not anything serious.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
This is a hard one. I didn't buy anything huge and awesome this year, but I bought a bunch of smaller things that all added up to awesome. I guess the Absolute Sandman volumes are pretty awesome, although I still need to get #1.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Nobody did anything amazing, so I'm not sure.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The crazy people who chased my mom down the street after their dog bit her. It was weird.
14. Where did most of your money go?
To the government and the Harper cafeteria. Oh, and to the gasoline companies.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Making my final student loan payment. Seeing Christopher Plummer in the Tempest!
16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Raise Your Glass-P!nk
17. Compared to this time last year, you are:
Happier or sadder: Happier.
Thinner or fatter: Exactly the same. I guess that's okay.
Richer or poorer: Richer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Watching DVDs that I'm behind on. Making jewelry. Working out.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Work. I like my job, but I'm pretty sure that I'll always wish I could get paid to do whatever I want.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it with my family. It was difficult because my grandfather is ill.
21. What was your favorite month of 2010?
Probably August, because we went to Stratford and I got to see Christopher Plummer in the Tempest. And I sat in the front row.
22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Nope. It's slim pickin's out in Detroit. Also, I'm probably moving soon, so it'd be a bit stupid to start a relationship right now. Actually, I was pretty happy being single this year.
23. How many one-night stands?
None. I don't do one-night stands.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Doctor Who-I finally finished the last season with David Tennant. Intervention-it's my guilty pleasure. Deadliest Catch-I cried and cried. Mythbusters-yay science!
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No. I don't have a lot of people on my hate list. Hate's a very strong word.
26. What was the best book you read?
Towers of Midnight by Robert Jordan/Brandon Sanderson. I'm peeved that I have to wait an entire year to get the next book.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Is it bad that I have to say the pop station on the radio? Lady Gaga is my extremely guilty pleasure that I don't tell anyone about because it's so embarrassing. But to make up for it, my brother introduced me to Dream Theater.
28. What did you want and get?
Money. Lots of money. Although getting it by having my great aunt die was not really what I envisioned.
29. What did you want and not get?
A laptop. I'm waiting until I know I'm going to school to get one.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus was my favorite. Also with Christopher Plummer!
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 23, and I honestly don't remember what I did. I do, however, remember having the most awesome ice cream cake in the world. It was awesome because it had dinosaurs and a volcano on it.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not having to commute. I have realized that I hate commuting.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Jeans, nicer than t-shirt shirts at work, boots. I'm slightly trending towards steampunk. A little bit of country, a little bit rock'n'roll, but all work appropriate? I'm waiting to start changing my style until I'm in a size I'm happier with.
34. What kept you sane?
Weekends. My family.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Robert Downey Jr.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The DADT repeal. I'm so glad it finally got repealed. All the arguing about it was so stupid.
37. Who did you miss?
My Iowa friends, especially Mike and Tessa.
38. Who were the best new people you met?
Mike Byrd at fencing.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
Don't live far away from your place of work. Commuting sucks.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
One day I'm here, I'm on top of the world/And the next it's falling in on me/I can get back on, I can get back on-Far Cry, Rush
1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
I got in a car accident. I joined a gym. I visited someone in the hospital.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Not really. My weight plateaued this year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not anyone particularly close to me, although I know several acquaintances who popped out babies.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes, my great aunt Barbara.
5. What countries did you visit?
Canada.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
Certainty about graduate school.
7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory?
My great aunt Barbara died on Memorial Day. I paid off my student loans on December 2nd.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Paying off my student loans completely.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not losing thirty pounds.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not anything serious.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
This is a hard one. I didn't buy anything huge and awesome this year, but I bought a bunch of smaller things that all added up to awesome. I guess the Absolute Sandman volumes are pretty awesome, although I still need to get #1.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Nobody did anything amazing, so I'm not sure.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The crazy people who chased my mom down the street after their dog bit her. It was weird.
14. Where did most of your money go?
To the government and the Harper cafeteria. Oh, and to the gasoline companies.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Making my final student loan payment. Seeing Christopher Plummer in the Tempest!
16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Raise Your Glass-P!nk
17. Compared to this time last year, you are:
Happier or sadder: Happier.
Thinner or fatter: Exactly the same. I guess that's okay.
Richer or poorer: Richer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Watching DVDs that I'm behind on. Making jewelry. Working out.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Work. I like my job, but I'm pretty sure that I'll always wish I could get paid to do whatever I want.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it with my family. It was difficult because my grandfather is ill.
21. What was your favorite month of 2010?
Probably August, because we went to Stratford and I got to see Christopher Plummer in the Tempest. And I sat in the front row.
22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Nope. It's slim pickin's out in Detroit. Also, I'm probably moving soon, so it'd be a bit stupid to start a relationship right now. Actually, I was pretty happy being single this year.
23. How many one-night stands?
None. I don't do one-night stands.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Doctor Who-I finally finished the last season with David Tennant. Intervention-it's my guilty pleasure. Deadliest Catch-I cried and cried. Mythbusters-yay science!
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No. I don't have a lot of people on my hate list. Hate's a very strong word.
26. What was the best book you read?
Towers of Midnight by Robert Jordan/Brandon Sanderson. I'm peeved that I have to wait an entire year to get the next book.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Is it bad that I have to say the pop station on the radio? Lady Gaga is my extremely guilty pleasure that I don't tell anyone about because it's so embarrassing. But to make up for it, my brother introduced me to Dream Theater.
28. What did you want and get?
Money. Lots of money. Although getting it by having my great aunt die was not really what I envisioned.
29. What did you want and not get?
A laptop. I'm waiting until I know I'm going to school to get one.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus was my favorite. Also with Christopher Plummer!
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 23, and I honestly don't remember what I did. I do, however, remember having the most awesome ice cream cake in the world. It was awesome because it had dinosaurs and a volcano on it.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not having to commute. I have realized that I hate commuting.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Jeans, nicer than t-shirt shirts at work, boots. I'm slightly trending towards steampunk. A little bit of country, a little bit rock'n'roll, but all work appropriate? I'm waiting to start changing my style until I'm in a size I'm happier with.
34. What kept you sane?
Weekends. My family.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Robert Downey Jr.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The DADT repeal. I'm so glad it finally got repealed. All the arguing about it was so stupid.
37. Who did you miss?
My Iowa friends, especially Mike and Tessa.
38. Who were the best new people you met?
Mike Byrd at fencing.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
Don't live far away from your place of work. Commuting sucks.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
One day I'm here, I'm on top of the world/And the next it's falling in on me/I can get back on, I can get back on-Far Cry, Rush
Friday, December 31, 2010
New Year's Eve 2010
I have such mixed feelings about this New Year. There are some things that I'm really looking forward to (grad school hopefully) and some things that I'm dreading (John dying). It's a little weird to know that someone I love is going to die this year. I don't think I've ever been in this position before, and it makes the whole concept of the new year and starting fresh a bit sour, really. But I'm trying to remain positive and focus on the good things, and start fresh as much as I can. I joined Weight Watchers online today, to help me readjust my eating habits and take off this last 30 pounds or so that I gained in college. I also went out today and bought a bunch of stuff for beading. I like making jewelry but I never seem to have the time, so I'm going to specifically determine a day of the week that I can do it, so that I'm at least doing it once a week. I really have to organize my life like that or I never get anything done.
I am looking forward to the lab move. That's supposed to happen on the 10th of January. It will be nice to finally get out of Steve's hair and move somewhere that isn't in the way, especially since he has some new hires coming in. I will miss the lab though, even the people that annoy me a bit. The way everything played out kind of sucks.
Anyway, here's hoping that 2011 doesn't suck as much as I'm afraid it will.
I am looking forward to the lab move. That's supposed to happen on the 10th of January. It will be nice to finally get out of Steve's hair and move somewhere that isn't in the way, especially since he has some new hires coming in. I will miss the lab though, even the people that annoy me a bit. The way everything played out kind of sucks.
Anyway, here's hoping that 2011 doesn't suck as much as I'm afraid it will.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Hospitals
Earlier this afternoon my family went to visit John at the hospital. Even though I work in a hospital, I've actually only visited someone in the hospital once before. I had forgotten how utterly dismal it is, no matter how much the designers try to make it look bright and happy. People die there and it seeps into the walls, so that it's always gloomy and grim.
John was asleep most of the time we were there. He has pneumonia on top of the heart trouble and the lung cancer, so he had been given some steroids and antibiotics to clear the infection, and they made him pretty loopy. He's stable, but I've never seen him look so sick. Granny was trying to stay calm, but we all know that the prognosis is really bad. They may not even be able to do a biopsy to stage the cancer because of the possibility of him bleeding to death while they do it, so they may just offer palliative radiation treatment to try and shrink the damn thing. No matter what, it all ends with him dying. No matter what, this is his endgame. We just don't know how long it will take to play out.
We left and I'm glad that I'm on vacation this week, because it seems impossible that the world can just keep going on like nothing has happened. It shouldn't keep going on; someone I love is dying. But it does. Trying to keep up with the rest of your life when it feels like everything should grind to a halt is hard. At least we all get a little bit of time to get used to it.
John was asleep most of the time we were there. He has pneumonia on top of the heart trouble and the lung cancer, so he had been given some steroids and antibiotics to clear the infection, and they made him pretty loopy. He's stable, but I've never seen him look so sick. Granny was trying to stay calm, but we all know that the prognosis is really bad. They may not even be able to do a biopsy to stage the cancer because of the possibility of him bleeding to death while they do it, so they may just offer palliative radiation treatment to try and shrink the damn thing. No matter what, it all ends with him dying. No matter what, this is his endgame. We just don't know how long it will take to play out.
We left and I'm glad that I'm on vacation this week, because it seems impossible that the world can just keep going on like nothing has happened. It shouldn't keep going on; someone I love is dying. But it does. Trying to keep up with the rest of your life when it feels like everything should grind to a halt is hard. At least we all get a little bit of time to get used to it.
Christmas
Right, so now I'm going to write a post about the stuff I got for Christmas to take my mind off of all the familial health-related issues at the moment. So.
My granny gave me a ring that she has had for years. It is sterling silver, with turquoise and another kind of stone that I'm not sure what it is. It was made by a Native American friend of hers, which is awesome because I like having the legit stuff that's been kept in the family.
My grandma and grandpa got me a lot of stuff, which I'm not sure they're supposed to do anymore but they do anyway and I'm not complaining. My grandma is the master at finding little local shops to buy things in. This year she found a tea shop in downtown Plymouth of all places and got me some of their tea. It smells amazing! She also got lots of little candies from local artisans-chocolate covered pretzels and stuff like that. And true to form, she got me a Wii game-Kirby's Epic Yarn.
My immediate family still does normal Christmas. I got about a thousand DVDs-seasons 6-10 of Stargate SG-1, the first season of Battlestar Galactica, the 10th Dr. Who specials, and the best of Beakman's World! And then I got games-Rune Factory Frontier, Guitar Hero, and Chrystal Chronicles for the Wii, and The 4 Heroes of Light for the DS. And then I got my favorite instant coffee ever-Fireside Coffee. It's also from a local company in Swartz Creek, and it is delicious. It comes in all kinds of flavours. Grandma got me some last year and I loved it so much that I asked for more this year. Oh, and I got two more giant microbes for my collection-Anthrax and TB.
For my family, I got my Dad his 2011 Dilbert page-a-day calendar. My Mum wanted these microfiber cloths from Levenger that have impressionist paintings on them, so I got her those. I think they're for cleaning her thousands of pairs of reading glasses. I got my brother some matcha powder and a whisk, since he's been wanting to try matcha tea for a while now.
It was a good Christmas, although it got really weird because of the family health issues. Today hasn't been much better on that front. My grandfather John is having a biopsy to confirm that he does have lung cancer, but we all know that it is. The mass is wrapped around his vena cava so there is no way it can be operated on, and palliative care is about all that can be done. Maybe they'll try some radiation once they know what stage the cancer is, but we're looking at probably less than a year left before he dies. And then my great-aunt Frieda is in surgery today to get a colostomy because her intestines are perforated. That's a long obnoxious complicated story that I don't want to repeat, but I will say that her health is so poor due to diabetes that it's entirely possible that she will die on the table. So it's a stressful time for the family. I'm glad we were able to have a decent Christmas anyway, but I know this is really hard on everyone.
My granny gave me a ring that she has had for years. It is sterling silver, with turquoise and another kind of stone that I'm not sure what it is. It was made by a Native American friend of hers, which is awesome because I like having the legit stuff that's been kept in the family.
My grandma and grandpa got me a lot of stuff, which I'm not sure they're supposed to do anymore but they do anyway and I'm not complaining. My grandma is the master at finding little local shops to buy things in. This year she found a tea shop in downtown Plymouth of all places and got me some of their tea. It smells amazing! She also got lots of little candies from local artisans-chocolate covered pretzels and stuff like that. And true to form, she got me a Wii game-Kirby's Epic Yarn.
My immediate family still does normal Christmas. I got about a thousand DVDs-seasons 6-10 of Stargate SG-1, the first season of Battlestar Galactica, the 10th Dr. Who specials, and the best of Beakman's World! And then I got games-Rune Factory Frontier, Guitar Hero, and Chrystal Chronicles for the Wii, and The 4 Heroes of Light for the DS. And then I got my favorite instant coffee ever-Fireside Coffee. It's also from a local company in Swartz Creek, and it is delicious. It comes in all kinds of flavours. Grandma got me some last year and I loved it so much that I asked for more this year. Oh, and I got two more giant microbes for my collection-Anthrax and TB.
For my family, I got my Dad his 2011 Dilbert page-a-day calendar. My Mum wanted these microfiber cloths from Levenger that have impressionist paintings on them, so I got her those. I think they're for cleaning her thousands of pairs of reading glasses. I got my brother some matcha powder and a whisk, since he's been wanting to try matcha tea for a while now.
It was a good Christmas, although it got really weird because of the family health issues. Today hasn't been much better on that front. My grandfather John is having a biopsy to confirm that he does have lung cancer, but we all know that it is. The mass is wrapped around his vena cava so there is no way it can be operated on, and palliative care is about all that can be done. Maybe they'll try some radiation once they know what stage the cancer is, but we're looking at probably less than a year left before he dies. And then my great-aunt Frieda is in surgery today to get a colostomy because her intestines are perforated. That's a long obnoxious complicated story that I don't want to repeat, but I will say that her health is so poor due to diabetes that it's entirely possible that she will die on the table. So it's a stressful time for the family. I'm glad we were able to have a decent Christmas anyway, but I know this is really hard on everyone.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Right, so this was going to be about my Christmas, but it's not. Instead it's going to be about how my grandfather is probably dying.
John is my grandfather (okay, technically my step-grandfather, but he's been more of a grandfather than my real one) and he was admitted to the ER this morning with extremely low blood pressure. The doctors did a million tests and found out he has an atrial fibrillation, which is normal speak means that his heart isn't pumping regularly. The reason for that is a mass in his lung that is pressing on his heart. It's probably lung cancer; he's been a smoker for 40 years. And then this evening he had a small stroke. I guess they caught it in time to prevent any major damage, but who knows if that was it or if he'll have more. On Monday they're going to try and biopsy the mass in the lung, but it's cancer, we all pretty much know it. So I don't know if it will be next week or next month, or even six months or a year from now, but I'll be going to his funeral pretty soon.
John is my grandfather (okay, technically my step-grandfather, but he's been more of a grandfather than my real one) and he was admitted to the ER this morning with extremely low blood pressure. The doctors did a million tests and found out he has an atrial fibrillation, which is normal speak means that his heart isn't pumping regularly. The reason for that is a mass in his lung that is pressing on his heart. It's probably lung cancer; he's been a smoker for 40 years. And then this evening he had a small stroke. I guess they caught it in time to prevent any major damage, but who knows if that was it or if he'll have more. On Monday they're going to try and biopsy the mass in the lung, but it's cancer, we all pretty much know it. So I don't know if it will be next week or next month, or even six months or a year from now, but I'll be going to his funeral pretty soon.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Christmas and other stuff
Last weekend we chopped down a Christmas tree and put it in our house. We do this every year because fake trees are sad. I especially enjoy it because when I move back out, I'll probably be moving into an apartment that only allows sad fake trees. So I relish having a real, pine-tree smelling white spruce in the living room. Now that we finally decorated, it feels a little more Christmassy around here, which makes me less grumpy about it getting dark at 5pm.
What still makes me grumpy is that my science is not behaving. I've been trying to do this GLUT4 blot for two months now, and Aliccia and I cannot get the cells to respond to insulin. We're trying one more time this week, and I really hope it works, because if it doesn't I'm pretty sure we've got serious problems. I hate working ten to twelve hour days when I have a two hour round trip commute so I'm tired and grumpy. So I really hope this works so I can stop working long Thursdays and Fridays.
What still makes me grumpy is that my science is not behaving. I've been trying to do this GLUT4 blot for two months now, and Aliccia and I cannot get the cells to respond to insulin. We're trying one more time this week, and I really hope it works, because if it doesn't I'm pretty sure we've got serious problems. I hate working ten to twelve hour days when I have a two hour round trip commute so I'm tired and grumpy. So I really hope this works so I can stop working long Thursdays and Fridays.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Winter
I am pretty bad at winter. It gets dark way too early and it's too cold and then when it snows, driving is terrible. I really should be used to winter because I grew up in Michigan and went to college in Iowa, and now I live in Michigan again. But I'm still bad at it. I'm sure I could get diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder if I wanted to be, especially since I've struggled with clinical depression in the past, but it just seems like such a silly disorder to have that I'd rather not. Unless, of course, I can get a pass to hibernate until March. Then we'll talk.
Anyway, I'm bad at winter. But I'm not horrible at December, because people put up Christmas lights and that makes it a little easier to deal with sunset at 4:30 in the afternoon. But I'm still looking forward to Daylight Savings Time again. I like it better that way.
Anyway, I'm bad at winter. But I'm not horrible at December, because people put up Christmas lights and that makes it a little easier to deal with sunset at 4:30 in the afternoon. But I'm still looking forward to Daylight Savings Time again. I like it better that way.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
NaNoWriMo 2010 Completion
Today, I wrote more than seven thousand words.
I finished my story.
I validated my word count.
And today I won NaNoWriMo for the second time!
50K in 25 days!
I finished my story.
I validated my word count.
And today I won NaNoWriMo for the second time!
50K in 25 days!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
NaNo and Work
I passed the halfway point on The Last Days of the Unreal City earlier this week, and it felt like a huge accomplishment. Once the word counter went over 25,000, I felt yes, I can do this. Then I kept writing and now I feel like it's a nearly insurmountable task again. I'm sure I'll feel better once I hit 40K.
In contrast to most of October, I've been quite busy at work this month. The paper we are trying to submit came back with requests for major revisions (experiments, basically). So I've been trying to run a GLUT4 blot for almost a month now. After troubleshooting the heck out of my non-polymerizing stacking gel (bad APS, needed de-gassing) and a bureaucratic snafu regarding the membrane protein extraction kit we needed, it's still not done. Here's hoping that next week will put the lid on this experiment and the paper can go back out. I've learned a lot about the paper submission process even though I'm not doing the actual writing or submitting, and I can conclude that it is a total pain. I'm not particularly looking forward to that part of getting my PhD now.
In contrast to most of October, I've been quite busy at work this month. The paper we are trying to submit came back with requests for major revisions (experiments, basically). So I've been trying to run a GLUT4 blot for almost a month now. After troubleshooting the heck out of my non-polymerizing stacking gel (bad APS, needed de-gassing) and a bureaucratic snafu regarding the membrane protein extraction kit we needed, it's still not done. Here's hoping that next week will put the lid on this experiment and the paper can go back out. I've learned a lot about the paper submission process even though I'm not doing the actual writing or submitting, and I can conclude that it is a total pain. I'm not particularly looking forward to that part of getting my PhD now.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
NaNoWriMo 2010 Week Two
NaNoWriMo is very hard for me this year. I'm still keeping up with word count, but this is so difficult. Last year, it was easier. It was more fun all the time. I think I only had a couple of days where I had to force myself just to make word count. This time it's almost every day that I struggle for the magic 1667 words.
Now last year I had a much more developed plot going into November, and I had an easier sort of plot as well. This year I went in with less plot developed, and this plot is much bigger and more difficult. This year my plot involves an entire planet, a society of my own making, genetic engineering, and a lot of computer hacking (which I'm all making up because I know absolutely nothing about hacking). Last year my plot centred on a family. I guess the bigness of the world I'm working with is overwhelming.
I have come up with some good ideas, enough to drive my plot to the 50,000 word finish, but it's making it a coherent story that is so hard. I'm struggling to write awkward scenes that string these cool scenes together. Maybe it will get easier once I get a little farther in, but this is not easy right now. But I still love doing it.
Now last year I had a much more developed plot going into November, and I had an easier sort of plot as well. This year I went in with less plot developed, and this plot is much bigger and more difficult. This year my plot involves an entire planet, a society of my own making, genetic engineering, and a lot of computer hacking (which I'm all making up because I know absolutely nothing about hacking). Last year my plot centred on a family. I guess the bigness of the world I'm working with is overwhelming.
I have come up with some good ideas, enough to drive my plot to the 50,000 word finish, but it's making it a coherent story that is so hard. I'm struggling to write awkward scenes that string these cool scenes together. Maybe it will get easier once I get a little farther in, but this is not easy right now. But I still love doing it.
Monday, November 1, 2010
NaNoWriMo 2010
National Novel Writing Month has officially started. I have 2425 words as of tonight. My goal is 50,000 words by November 30th. I expect not to blog for most of the month. Yay November!
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