So, in case anyone who reads this doesn't know, I'm overweight. In fact, according to the BMI scale, I'm obese. I need to lose weight. I gained it it all in college-first the usual freshman 15 because woo dorm food and now my mum isn't here to tell me to eat my vegetables, and then as a way to self-medicate my then-undiagnosed generalized anxiety disorder. When I left Washington DC, I was over 200 pounds. I went down to about 180 when I lived at home, and now I'm 230 pounds. Way too much. My ideal weight is somewhere between 140 and 160.
I've been halfheartedly trying to lose weight for a while. I'll do okay for a few days and then go back to eating shit. I have a gym membership but don't go much because I feel so tired after work. I order out for food way too much because I'm stressed after work. All of this is complicated and wrapped up in my anxiety disorder, because I have a pattern of eating to avoid feeling the anxiety. I'm at the point now where I haven't gained weight in about a year, but I also haven't lost any.
Today my grandmother was diagnosed with diabetic cervical reticulopathy (nerve pain in the back due to diabetes) and liver damage of some kind (I don't have the full story yet but I suspect it's NASH). She's already an insulin dependent diabetic. Her weight and poor eating habits have finally caught up to her.
I can't keep waiting and half-assing my weight loss attempts. If I do that I'll end up like her. I've been lucky so far-the only consequence of my weight has been one high triglyceride measurement. But I'm not getting any younger and the consequences could be right around the corner.
I guess I'm writing this because I need to tell someone that I have got to do it right this time. Weight loss will be complex for me because I have to continue to treat my anxiety disorder along with changing my diet. But it must happen. I cannot wait around anymore.
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