Thursday, October 27, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Last Week of October
It's the last week of October! I have a lot of work this week. It's the last week of Micro 553, so there's the final project and the final exam this week. The project isn't too bad. It was just writing the specific aims to a grant proposal that was given to us, and then we get into groups and pool them and pick the best ones. The exam is on Friday, and hopefully it will be alright. There's a lot of material to cover and I'm not sure how in-depth the questions will be.
It's also the last week of my rotation. I have one experiment to finish, and then next Wednesday I give a talk in lab meeting to present my data. I'm nervous about the talk because I hate public speaking, but at the same time I am really looking forward to it being done.
What I am looking forward to is National Novel Writing Month, which starts November 1st! This year I am writing a fantasy novel. The story has pretty much been in my head in one form or another since I was 12, so finally getting it out on paper properly will be exciting. It might be hard to balance school and NaNoWriMo, but I think I'll be able to do it. After doing science all day, which is driven so much by data, it's nice to come home and write a story where I can make everything up and don't have to justify my choices to anyone.
The other awesome thing about November is that I'll be going home for Thanksgiving Break and I can see my family again! I am generally feeling better about being here and living by myself, but I still really miss my parents and grandparents. So I am looking forward to seeing them.
It's also the last week of my rotation. I have one experiment to finish, and then next Wednesday I give a talk in lab meeting to present my data. I'm nervous about the talk because I hate public speaking, but at the same time I am really looking forward to it being done.
What I am looking forward to is National Novel Writing Month, which starts November 1st! This year I am writing a fantasy novel. The story has pretty much been in my head in one form or another since I was 12, so finally getting it out on paper properly will be exciting. It might be hard to balance school and NaNoWriMo, but I think I'll be able to do it. After doing science all day, which is driven so much by data, it's nice to come home and write a story where I can make everything up and don't have to justify my choices to anyone.
The other awesome thing about November is that I'll be going home for Thanksgiving Break and I can see my family again! I am generally feeling better about being here and living by myself, but I still really miss my parents and grandparents. So I am looking forward to seeing them.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Good Weekend
I had a really awesome weekend, which is great since school is so blah. My friend Allison came down to Ames from Minnesota, and Tessa and Mike came up from Urbandale, and we all went to the Iowa State Homecoming game! I had never been to a college football game, so that was pretty cool. The stadium is actually pretty nice, and everyone was well-behaved at the game (where we were sitting, anyway) so it was fun. I don't understand football, and ISU lost, but it was still a lot of fun to hang out. After the game we went to this restaurant called Vesuvius. I had never been there before. It's a wood-fired oven pizza place. I had the Margherita pizza and it was delicious. I seriously think it was the best pizza I've ever had. After that we went to London Underground, which is a bar but it feels more like a pub and it wasn't a loud annoying bar. We all hung out for a while and I had a White Russian, which was really good. It was so great to hang out with Allison again, I hadn't seen in her in like three years. And I always like hanging out with Tessa, and Jen and Stanley are pretty cool people too. It was a great day and I was so glad that I went, because I like hanging out with adult friends.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Almost Over
October is almost over. Yay! And my first lab rotation is almost over. Double yay! I just inoculated my rice plants today, so that is the start of the last experiment. I don't care what anyone says, that is it. I am done after this experiment. I have a lot of schoolwork and it's not getting easier, so having the rest of the semester off from lab work will be awesome. I'm also pretty sure I don't want to do my thesis in this lab, so not having to work there anymore will be good.
My sinuses have been all messed up this week. I actually stayed home all day Tuesday because I was so dizzy that I didn't think I could drive. I'm feeling a little better but it still feels like someone punched me in both eyes. That's definitely not fun.
My sinuses have been all messed up this week. I actually stayed home all day Tuesday because I was so dizzy that I didn't think I could drive. I'm feeling a little better but it still feels like someone punched me in both eyes. That's definitely not fun.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Mid-October
Wow, it's the middle of October already. It seems like this month is going by pretty quickly. I guess that's a good thing because I want to get to November so I can visit home. Time passing this fast is kind of weird though.
I guess things are going okay. The next three weeks will be really stressful though. I have a quiz, two exams, and a final project in the next two weeks. Then the experiment I was supposed to do at lab got changed today, so I have to revamp my plans about how the end of my rotation will go. I think it will be okay but I hate it when things get changed abruptly. Of course, then I have to give an end of rotation presentation at lab meeting. I hope it will go alright. I know I'm a good public speaker, but I feel like I just don't really know what I'm doing or what I'm talking about. So I worry that I'll sound like a complete idiot when I talk.
On a better note, I started biofeedback today. It's really cool. At the Student Counseling Center, you check in and get a pair of noise-cancelling headphones. Then you go to the room, which is nice and dark. You get to sit in a little cubicle in a recliner that massages if you want, and you plug the headphones in so it's all quiet. Then you put the sensors on your fingers-two measure your skin conductance and one measures your heart rate. Then you use the computer programs, which guide you through a bunch of different exercises and help your practice the techniques. It's pretty cool; today I did some breathing and mindfulness exercises. It was really neat and there's a graph you can watch whenever you want which shows how your heart rate and skin conductance change based on what you do. I felt so relaxed after I was done. It was awesome and I wish I had that kind of set-up in my apartment.
Speaking of apartments, I'm sick of living with so many people crammed around me, and I'm definitely sick of living with undergraduates surrounding me. So I'm going to try and find a house to rent for next year, so when my lease is up in July I can move somewhere else. I want a house ideally, because then I would share zero walls with other people and I could have a yard and things like that. But if I find a duplex or townhouse where no undergrads are allowed, I would look into that too. I really just want quiet and more stable neighbors.
I guess things are going okay. The next three weeks will be really stressful though. I have a quiz, two exams, and a final project in the next two weeks. Then the experiment I was supposed to do at lab got changed today, so I have to revamp my plans about how the end of my rotation will go. I think it will be okay but I hate it when things get changed abruptly. Of course, then I have to give an end of rotation presentation at lab meeting. I hope it will go alright. I know I'm a good public speaker, but I feel like I just don't really know what I'm doing or what I'm talking about. So I worry that I'll sound like a complete idiot when I talk.
On a better note, I started biofeedback today. It's really cool. At the Student Counseling Center, you check in and get a pair of noise-cancelling headphones. Then you go to the room, which is nice and dark. You get to sit in a little cubicle in a recliner that massages if you want, and you plug the headphones in so it's all quiet. Then you put the sensors on your fingers-two measure your skin conductance and one measures your heart rate. Then you use the computer programs, which guide you through a bunch of different exercises and help your practice the techniques. It's pretty cool; today I did some breathing and mindfulness exercises. It was really neat and there's a graph you can watch whenever you want which shows how your heart rate and skin conductance change based on what you do. I felt so relaxed after I was done. It was awesome and I wish I had that kind of set-up in my apartment.
Speaking of apartments, I'm sick of living with so many people crammed around me, and I'm definitely sick of living with undergraduates surrounding me. So I'm going to try and find a house to rent for next year, so when my lease is up in July I can move somewhere else. I want a house ideally, because then I would share zero walls with other people and I could have a yard and things like that. But if I find a duplex or townhouse where no undergrads are allowed, I would look into that too. I really just want quiet and more stable neighbors.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
I stole it from Tessa
1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT RING?
No. I was expecting one once, but instead I got dumped. It hurt a lot at the time, but it was definitely for the best that the relationship ended.
2. LONGEST FRIENDSHIP?
21 years-Jasmine and I have been friends since preschool.
3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
My mum just sent me the MST3K Gamera boxed set. I got it today in the mail!
4. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU DROPPED YOUR CELL?
A few times, but always onto the carpet from about two feet off the floor, so no damage.
5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT?
I went for a walk yesterday.
6. THING YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
Rent? I'm actually starting to save my money so I can rent a house next year, and so I can do things like buy a washer and dryer if I need to.
7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
A Healthy Choice panini.
8. LAST DRINK YOU DRANK?
Diet Vanilla Coke, which for some reason you can't get in Michigan but you can get in Iowa.
9. ONE FAVORITE SONG?
One Little Victory by RUSH
10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
Ames. I really miss Detroit. I like Ames, but I miss Detroit. I think I'll feel better the longer I'm here, and probably once I'm living in that house I want.
11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED:
I was at Roeper for the first two years and Walled Lake Western for the last two. High school sucked.
12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:
AT&T. It's alright, although I don't get very good service inside my apartment, so I have to talk to my mum while standing on the patio. I don't know what I'll do in the winter!
13. FAVORITE MALL STORE:
Um. I don't know. I shop like a man.
14. LONGEST JOB EVER HAD:
My job at Karmanos. I worked there just shy of two years.
15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?
Nope
16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?
No, that is rude.
17. LAST WEDDING ATTENDED?
Jasmine and Eric's. I've been out of state for a lot of weddings.
18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY?
My parents. Never mind friends. I probably wouldn't want that to get out, anyway.
19. LAST TIME YOU ATTENDED CHURCH?
Last Sunday. I go every week.
21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE HEARD?
That Obama wasn't born in the US? That's a good one.
23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
Claddagh back home. It was the after-fencing hangout.
24. CAN YOU COOK?
Yes, although it's kind of boring cooking just for myself. But I do it because I want to stay healthy.
25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?
A 2006 Ford Focus named Alfred. He is an awesome little car.
26. BEST KISSER?
Um. No comment.
27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Wednesday morning in my counseling session. The lady asked me about my relationship with my family and I started crying because I miss them so much.
28. MOST DISLIKED FOOD?
Broccoli. I literally cannot find any way to eat it except in cheesy soup.
29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF?
I am tenacious. Even when I feel like I can't do it or I'm too weak, I hang on and keep fighting through.
30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF?
My anxiety disorder. The thing I hate about it is that it's chronic. It will never go away. I will always have to fight with my brain about how to react to things.
32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?
I had one day at Karmanos that was 14 hours. That was hellish.
33. FAVORITE MOVIE?
I like old science fiction/horror/thriller B movies. I especially like Vincent Price.
34. CAN YOU SING?
Yes. I was in choir in middle school.
35. LAST CONCERT?
RUSH with my parents. It was awesome.
37. LAST MOVIE RENTED?
Oh geez...it's been a while. I think it was From Hell.
38. THING YOU NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT?
My driver's license?
39. FAVOURITE VACATION SPOT?
Michigan's Upper Peninsula.
40. DO YOU LIKE CHINESE FOOD?
Yes.
42. IS YOUR ROOM CLEAN?
Yes. My whole apartment is actually pretty clean.
43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?
I have both. I use the desktop more.
44. FAVOURITE COMEDIAN?
Stephen Colbert.
45. DO YOU SMOKE?
Absolutely not. My grandfather died this year of smoking-related lung cancer. Fuck no. Smoking is a dealbreaker.
46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
With.
47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?
My stuffed manatee. And Eeyore. And a panda.
48. LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?
They can, if all the people involved are invested in it.
49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?
Never, surprisingly.
50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
French toast
51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?
Yes. Have a cup every morning.
52. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
I don't like solid egg yolks, so I only eat eggs if they're scrambled or omletted.
53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?
No, although it's kind of interesting.
54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My mom.
55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?
An unknown caller...mysterious.
56. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED?
It was from Tessa! Telling me that she could see my car because my GPS missed her house and I was driving around in circles.
57. MCDONALDS OR BURGER KING?
McDonalds has more healthy options, and I like their fries better.
58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?
Two.
59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?
Blue jeans, a blue and green shirt.
60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC OR SONG?
I have the Doxology stuck in my head for some reason?
No. I was expecting one once, but instead I got dumped. It hurt a lot at the time, but it was definitely for the best that the relationship ended.
2. LONGEST FRIENDSHIP?
21 years-Jasmine and I have been friends since preschool.
3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
My mum just sent me the MST3K Gamera boxed set. I got it today in the mail!
4. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU DROPPED YOUR CELL?
A few times, but always onto the carpet from about two feet off the floor, so no damage.
5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT?
I went for a walk yesterday.
6. THING YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
Rent? I'm actually starting to save my money so I can rent a house next year, and so I can do things like buy a washer and dryer if I need to.
7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
A Healthy Choice panini.
8. LAST DRINK YOU DRANK?
Diet Vanilla Coke, which for some reason you can't get in Michigan but you can get in Iowa.
9. ONE FAVORITE SONG?
One Little Victory by RUSH
10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
Ames. I really miss Detroit. I like Ames, but I miss Detroit. I think I'll feel better the longer I'm here, and probably once I'm living in that house I want.
11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED:
I was at Roeper for the first two years and Walled Lake Western for the last two. High school sucked.
12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:
AT&T. It's alright, although I don't get very good service inside my apartment, so I have to talk to my mum while standing on the patio. I don't know what I'll do in the winter!
13. FAVORITE MALL STORE:
Um. I don't know. I shop like a man.
14. LONGEST JOB EVER HAD:
My job at Karmanos. I worked there just shy of two years.
15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?
Nope
16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?
No, that is rude.
17. LAST WEDDING ATTENDED?
Jasmine and Eric's. I've been out of state for a lot of weddings.
18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY?
My parents. Never mind friends. I probably wouldn't want that to get out, anyway.
19. LAST TIME YOU ATTENDED CHURCH?
Last Sunday. I go every week.
21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE HEARD?
That Obama wasn't born in the US? That's a good one.
23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
Claddagh back home. It was the after-fencing hangout.
24. CAN YOU COOK?
Yes, although it's kind of boring cooking just for myself. But I do it because I want to stay healthy.
25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?
A 2006 Ford Focus named Alfred. He is an awesome little car.
26. BEST KISSER?
Um. No comment.
27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Wednesday morning in my counseling session. The lady asked me about my relationship with my family and I started crying because I miss them so much.
28. MOST DISLIKED FOOD?
Broccoli. I literally cannot find any way to eat it except in cheesy soup.
29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF?
I am tenacious. Even when I feel like I can't do it or I'm too weak, I hang on and keep fighting through.
30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF?
My anxiety disorder. The thing I hate about it is that it's chronic. It will never go away. I will always have to fight with my brain about how to react to things.
32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?
I had one day at Karmanos that was 14 hours. That was hellish.
33. FAVORITE MOVIE?
I like old science fiction/horror/thriller B movies. I especially like Vincent Price.
34. CAN YOU SING?
Yes. I was in choir in middle school.
35. LAST CONCERT?
RUSH with my parents. It was awesome.
37. LAST MOVIE RENTED?
Oh geez...it's been a while. I think it was From Hell.
38. THING YOU NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT?
My driver's license?
39. FAVOURITE VACATION SPOT?
Michigan's Upper Peninsula.
40. DO YOU LIKE CHINESE FOOD?
Yes.
42. IS YOUR ROOM CLEAN?
Yes. My whole apartment is actually pretty clean.
43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?
I have both. I use the desktop more.
44. FAVOURITE COMEDIAN?
Stephen Colbert.
45. DO YOU SMOKE?
Absolutely not. My grandfather died this year of smoking-related lung cancer. Fuck no. Smoking is a dealbreaker.
46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
With.
47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?
My stuffed manatee. And Eeyore. And a panda.
48. LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?
They can, if all the people involved are invested in it.
49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?
Never, surprisingly.
50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
French toast
51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?
Yes. Have a cup every morning.
52. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
I don't like solid egg yolks, so I only eat eggs if they're scrambled or omletted.
53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?
No, although it's kind of interesting.
54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My mom.
55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?
An unknown caller...mysterious.
56. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED?
It was from Tessa! Telling me that she could see my car because my GPS missed her house and I was driving around in circles.
57. MCDONALDS OR BURGER KING?
McDonalds has more healthy options, and I like their fries better.
58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?
Two.
59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?
Blue jeans, a blue and green shirt.
60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC OR SONG?
I have the Doxology stuck in my head for some reason?
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Time goes by
It's October already. That happened both really fast and really slowly. I don't know, it seems like it went by kind of fast, but then it seems like I've been in Ames forever, and how is it only October? Time is being weird. I'm told this only gets weirder once you have children. Since I'm not doing that soon, I guess I will have to wait and see if that's the truth.
I'm actually feeling a lot better today than I have in a while. I'm still waking up anxious, but it goes away sooner and I don't feel quite so nauseous, so I can at least drink some milk and coffee in the morning. It's still annoying but at least it isn't horrible. My first counseling appointment is tomorrow morning so hopefully that will go well and I'll start getting some more help with this stuff.
School is going fine. Biochemistry is boring and I really could not possibly care less about it, but I have to at least make an effort so that I can get a decent grade. The professor isn't bad, it's just that I do not care about bond angles and hydrogen bonds and crap like that. It's too small scale for me. Pathogenic Microorganisms just started last week and that class is really interesting. I like pathogens though so I could have called that. After that one is done then I have Bacterial Genetics in November. I'm a little nervous about that one because genetics is not necessarily easy to learn and remember for tests. Also if the professor is who I think it is I'm not sure his teaching style or grading style will be very nice. We'll see.
Lab is actually going a little better. I have been pretty meh about it, especially since I had a small issue with the lab manager, but today she was really helpful and pleasant, so maybe things are okay. My PI and I talked and he wants to add two more experiments for me to do, which is a lot of work, but it might end up going in a paper that I could get authorship credit on, so it's worth it. I just hope that the data is good and useful, because nothing is sadder than doing a lot of work and getting crappy data out of it.
So yeah, that's what's happening at the moment. I am looking forward to November because I can finally go back home for a week, but hopefully October won't be as crappy as September was.
I'm actually feeling a lot better today than I have in a while. I'm still waking up anxious, but it goes away sooner and I don't feel quite so nauseous, so I can at least drink some milk and coffee in the morning. It's still annoying but at least it isn't horrible. My first counseling appointment is tomorrow morning so hopefully that will go well and I'll start getting some more help with this stuff.
School is going fine. Biochemistry is boring and I really could not possibly care less about it, but I have to at least make an effort so that I can get a decent grade. The professor isn't bad, it's just that I do not care about bond angles and hydrogen bonds and crap like that. It's too small scale for me. Pathogenic Microorganisms just started last week and that class is really interesting. I like pathogens though so I could have called that. After that one is done then I have Bacterial Genetics in November. I'm a little nervous about that one because genetics is not necessarily easy to learn and remember for tests. Also if the professor is who I think it is I'm not sure his teaching style or grading style will be very nice. We'll see.
Lab is actually going a little better. I have been pretty meh about it, especially since I had a small issue with the lab manager, but today she was really helpful and pleasant, so maybe things are okay. My PI and I talked and he wants to add two more experiments for me to do, which is a lot of work, but it might end up going in a paper that I could get authorship credit on, so it's worth it. I just hope that the data is good and useful, because nothing is sadder than doing a lot of work and getting crappy data out of it.
So yeah, that's what's happening at the moment. I am looking forward to November because I can finally go back home for a week, but hopefully October won't be as crappy as September was.
Monday, September 26, 2011
I guess I should update
School is going okay. I've gotten good grades so far. Lab is alright, although I'm not sure I'm that interested in what they're doing and I've butted heads a little with the lab manager. I only have five more weeks there so I'm just trying to stick it out and do the best I can until it's over. Really though, I'm struggling. For the past week I have woken up with the worst anxiety. As soon as I wake up, it hits me before I can even have time to consciously worry about something. It's so bad that I'm having trouble eating in the morning and it's really throwing me off. It goes away in an hour or two but sometimes it takes longer before I can eat. It sucks so much. I have an appointment to see a counselor but it's not until next week so I'm trying to just hang on until then. I bought some applesauce today because I thought that it might be easier to eat than solid food in the morning. Ginger ale helps a little bit too. Anyway, I hope it gets better soon because it's really putting a cramp in my life, otherwise I would be feeling a lot better.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Okay, I feel better now
I just booked Memo's boarding so that I can come home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas! Yay!! At first I thought I was only going to be home for Christmas. But the way it turns out, I'll be done with my rotation at Dr. Bogdanove's at the beginning of November, and my rotation with Dr. Zhang doesn't start until January. So I will be free to go home! I am so so excited and I'm really looking forward to seeing my family. Hopefully I'll be able to meet my nephew if he's home by then too. Anyway, yay going home!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
First year homesickness, part 1
Today I was really hit hard by a wave of homesickness that I can't really explain. I think it may have been triggered by the fact that this week I officially take possession of the title to my car and register it in Iowa, getting Iowa plates and all. I've never had to do any of that before, I've always driven on my dad's insurance and he owns the car, so it's weird and new and freaks me out. But yeah, I felt so homesick that I cried a lot for no reason and eventually called home for the second time in one day so I could talk to somebody.
I guess part of it is that I do live alone, and I like that, but I feel isolated from my friends because they all live in Des Moines and I'm in Ames. And I don't want to butt in on their lives every weekend just so I don't feel lonely. Plus I'm single, and it's really hard to be single and away from my family, because I'm not physically near anyone that I'm super super close to. I don't really know how to do that yet and it's kind of hard. I really want to date and have a relationship, but I don't want to just date the first person that shows any interest because I'm desperate. But I am kind of lonely. I really don't know what to do about that.
Hopefully I'll feel better because tomorrow it's back to school and lab and I'll be busy. This Saturday I've planned to go see the BodyWorlds exhibit at the Des Moines Science Center, since I've never been and I have really wanted to see it for a while. I'm hoping that just getting out of the house for a while will help me feel better.
I guess part of it is that I do live alone, and I like that, but I feel isolated from my friends because they all live in Des Moines and I'm in Ames. And I don't want to butt in on their lives every weekend just so I don't feel lonely. Plus I'm single, and it's really hard to be single and away from my family, because I'm not physically near anyone that I'm super super close to. I don't really know how to do that yet and it's kind of hard. I really want to date and have a relationship, but I don't want to just date the first person that shows any interest because I'm desperate. But I am kind of lonely. I really don't know what to do about that.
Hopefully I'll feel better because tomorrow it's back to school and lab and I'll be busy. This Saturday I've planned to go see the BodyWorlds exhibit at the Des Moines Science Center, since I've never been and I have really wanted to see it for a while. I'm hoping that just getting out of the house for a while will help me feel better.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
First Rotation!
I got my first lab rotation set up today! Sweet relief. I was getting kind of nervous there because technically all of us are supposed to start our rotations by next Tuesday. So yeah, it got cut pretty close, but I am officially rotating in Dr. Bogdanove's lab. I have meetings scheduled with two other professors, so hopefully I'll have all three rotations set soon.
Anyway, Dr. Bogdanove works on plant pathology, specifically pathogens of rice. The bacteria make these proteins called TAL effectors. When the bacteria infect a plant, they secrete the TAL effectors which go into the plant nucleus, bind specific DNA promoters, and activate transcription of those genes. Usually the genes that are transcribed help the bacteria infect the plant cells better in some way, but some plants have evolved some resistance mechanisms. The interesting part is the TAL effectors, because they're specific and they can be engineered to recognize pretty much any DNA sequence. There are several projects going on, but I picked to work on the one that requires the most plant pathology, and therefore I know the least about. I figured that I might as well learn a bunch of stuff right away rather than stay in my comfort zone with basic molecular biology. So I'm going to be taking TAL effectors from one type of this bacteria, putting them into another type of the bacteria, and then infecting the plants to see if the different TAL effectors change how the bacteria infect the plant. I'll be able to explain it better once I'm doing it, I'm sure. But I'm really looking forward to starting!
Anyway, Dr. Bogdanove works on plant pathology, specifically pathogens of rice. The bacteria make these proteins called TAL effectors. When the bacteria infect a plant, they secrete the TAL effectors which go into the plant nucleus, bind specific DNA promoters, and activate transcription of those genes. Usually the genes that are transcribed help the bacteria infect the plant cells better in some way, but some plants have evolved some resistance mechanisms. The interesting part is the TAL effectors, because they're specific and they can be engineered to recognize pretty much any DNA sequence. There are several projects going on, but I picked to work on the one that requires the most plant pathology, and therefore I know the least about. I figured that I might as well learn a bunch of stuff right away rather than stay in my comfort zone with basic molecular biology. So I'm going to be taking TAL effectors from one type of this bacteria, putting them into another type of the bacteria, and then infecting the plants to see if the different TAL effectors change how the bacteria infect the plant. I'll be able to explain it better once I'm doing it, I'm sure. But I'm really looking forward to starting!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
23AndMe Results!
So about a month ago I decided to do genetic testing on myself, mostly for curiosity's sake. I went with 23andme because I've had several friends use it and like it. Just last night my results came in, so instead of going to bed like a normal person I stayed up for two hours looking at everything. Obviously I can't talk about my increased risks or anything like that because even though there's a genetic non-discrimination act in place, I wouldn't count on anyone following through on it. So here's the other stuff.
mtDNA haplogroup: I'll start with this one because it really threw me for a loop. I'm Native American on my mother's side. My great-great-grandmother spoke Cherokee. This is how I was raised, this is what I am. That's important. My haplogroup is H2a1, which originated about 26,000 years ago in the Middle East, around Turkey. It slowly spread through Eastern, Northern, and parts of Western Europe. It is not one of the haplogroups that indicates Native American ancestry. My first reaction was something like WHAT. Then I poked around on the 23andme forums and found out some interesting things. First of all, the haplogroups to determine NA ancestry and the modern Asian haplogroups because they're aren't many NA people who've done genotyping to compare to. Secondly, many people, some of whom have more documentation than I do, who are related to NA tribes on the Eastern seaboard do not have a typical NA haplogroup. Weird, huh? Currently there are a couple of hypotheses floating around to explain that. There's the Solutrean Hypothesis, which no one can really prove or disprove at this time, which posits that people came from southwestern Europe to the Americas about 20,000 years ago, before the Bering Land Bridge, and they're the ancestors of lots of eastern tribes. The second is that this maternal haplogroup came from Vikings who settled in the Americas before Columbus. The third, which is possible for my family in particular, is that we picked up this haplogroup from one of the Roanoke colonists who intermarried with local Native Americans. So that was weird, and I've just joined Ancestry.com to see if I can follow a paper trail and get more information about my family that way.
Decreased Risks: I'm at decreased risk for breast cancer, Alzheimer's disease, lupus, MS, melanoma, ovarian cancer, and osteoarthritis. All of which makes me very happy.
Traits: So I obviously don't have the alcohol flush response, which it accurately predicted. It also accurately knew that I was a bitter supertaster. It also accurately predicted my eye colour (blue), my hair curl (it's wavy), and that I'm more of a sprinter than an endurance runner. One of the things I thought was fun is that I'm apparently less susceptible to contracting leprosy if I'm exposed to it. I can armadillos with impunity! It also accurately showed that I have extremely good episodic memory.
Drug Response: So apparently I would have a really good response to interferon beta if I ever took it. I guess that's good. But I'm extremely susceptible to liver toxicity from floxacillin. Luckily that drug isn't used in the US, but if I go back to Europe it's good to know. It also says that I'm a slow caffeine metabolizer, so the reason I need so much coffee to feel an effect must be because I drink too much or something like that.
Yeah, so that's my DNA!
mtDNA haplogroup: I'll start with this one because it really threw me for a loop. I'm Native American on my mother's side. My great-great-grandmother spoke Cherokee. This is how I was raised, this is what I am. That's important. My haplogroup is H2a1, which originated about 26,000 years ago in the Middle East, around Turkey. It slowly spread through Eastern, Northern, and parts of Western Europe. It is not one of the haplogroups that indicates Native American ancestry. My first reaction was something like WHAT. Then I poked around on the 23andme forums and found out some interesting things. First of all, the haplogroups to determine NA ancestry and the modern Asian haplogroups because they're aren't many NA people who've done genotyping to compare to. Secondly, many people, some of whom have more documentation than I do, who are related to NA tribes on the Eastern seaboard do not have a typical NA haplogroup. Weird, huh? Currently there are a couple of hypotheses floating around to explain that. There's the Solutrean Hypothesis, which no one can really prove or disprove at this time, which posits that people came from southwestern Europe to the Americas about 20,000 years ago, before the Bering Land Bridge, and they're the ancestors of lots of eastern tribes. The second is that this maternal haplogroup came from Vikings who settled in the Americas before Columbus. The third, which is possible for my family in particular, is that we picked up this haplogroup from one of the Roanoke colonists who intermarried with local Native Americans. So that was weird, and I've just joined Ancestry.com to see if I can follow a paper trail and get more information about my family that way.
Decreased Risks: I'm at decreased risk for breast cancer, Alzheimer's disease, lupus, MS, melanoma, ovarian cancer, and osteoarthritis. All of which makes me very happy.
Traits: So I obviously don't have the alcohol flush response, which it accurately predicted. It also accurately knew that I was a bitter supertaster. It also accurately predicted my eye colour (blue), my hair curl (it's wavy), and that I'm more of a sprinter than an endurance runner. One of the things I thought was fun is that I'm apparently less susceptible to contracting leprosy if I'm exposed to it. I can armadillos with impunity! It also accurately showed that I have extremely good episodic memory.
Drug Response: So apparently I would have a really good response to interferon beta if I ever took it. I guess that's good. But I'm extremely susceptible to liver toxicity from floxacillin. Luckily that drug isn't used in the US, but if I go back to Europe it's good to know. It also says that I'm a slow caffeine metabolizer, so the reason I need so much coffee to feel an effect must be because I drink too much or something like that.
Yeah, so that's my DNA!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
First year anxiety, part two
This week was the first week of class. I think it went alright. Two of my classes are pass/fail. Of course one of them is journal club and I have to present in it, but I signed up for December 1st so I can put off freaking out about it for awhile. The other pass/fail class is Ethics. I think it will be pretty easy. Then I have Micro 551, which is Microbial Diversity. It's only five weeks long, then it's replaced by Pathogenic Microorganisms and then Bacterial Genetics. I think it won't be too bad. I don't know how in depth it will be and there's only one exam, but it's a short class and I think it will be okay. Then there's Biochemistry. It's a huge class full of undergrads, of course, but the professor says he wants everyone to know big concepts rather than minutiae. Whether that will play out in his exams and homework remains to be seen. The annoying thing about the class is that all of the tests are online and we have to take them at the Online Learning Center in Carver Hall. This is stupid. If I wanted to take my tests online, I'd take the whole freaking class online! I am not amused by this at all. Oh well. I'll live with it.
The major source of my anxiety thus far is that I still don't have any rotations set up. Two people have said no, and I'm waiting to hear from two people right now. If I don't hear from anyone by tomorrow afternoon, then I'll email two more people. I really only have about ten days to get the first one set up, so I'm really nervous.
In the land of non-grad school but still annoying things, my cat is still stressed about the move and I think might be picking up on my anxiety a little because he took a pee on my papasan chair this evening. So tomorrow after class I have to drive to Ankeny to go to Petsmart and get some enzyme cleaner to get the smell out. I can't blame him too much because he's a nervous cat, and he takes some calming treats called Composure every day, but it is one more thing I didn't need to deal with. I actually need to find a vet to take him to soon, since he's due for his rabies shot, so maybe I can talk to them and see if they can offer anything else to help him out. He's got the Feliway diffuser and the Composure, maybe he needs a short course of antidepressants again. I don't know. Anyway, more crap I have to do.
I've also been eating like crap the past couple of days. It sucks because I'm obviously still trying to lose weight, but I just felt so out of control. I'm trying to go back to the Weight Watchers basics and be really good about tracking my points and exercising so hopefully I will start feeling better and less crazy. And hopefully I didn't do too much damage to my weight. I did buy a swimsuit this week though, which I haven't done in four years, and it's a really cute one that doesn't look horrible on me, so I guess that's good.
The major source of my anxiety thus far is that I still don't have any rotations set up. Two people have said no, and I'm waiting to hear from two people right now. If I don't hear from anyone by tomorrow afternoon, then I'll email two more people. I really only have about ten days to get the first one set up, so I'm really nervous.
In the land of non-grad school but still annoying things, my cat is still stressed about the move and I think might be picking up on my anxiety a little because he took a pee on my papasan chair this evening. So tomorrow after class I have to drive to Ankeny to go to Petsmart and get some enzyme cleaner to get the smell out. I can't blame him too much because he's a nervous cat, and he takes some calming treats called Composure every day, but it is one more thing I didn't need to deal with. I actually need to find a vet to take him to soon, since he's due for his rabies shot, so maybe I can talk to them and see if they can offer anything else to help him out. He's got the Feliway diffuser and the Composure, maybe he needs a short course of antidepressants again. I don't know. Anyway, more crap I have to do.
I've also been eating like crap the past couple of days. It sucks because I'm obviously still trying to lose weight, but I just felt so out of control. I'm trying to go back to the Weight Watchers basics and be really good about tracking my points and exercising so hopefully I will start feeling better and less crazy. And hopefully I didn't do too much damage to my weight. I did buy a swimsuit this week though, which I haven't done in four years, and it's a really cute one that doesn't look horrible on me, so I guess that's good.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
First year anxiety, part one of many
This morning we had a meeting with the dean of the IM program. Dr. Halverson is a really nice guy and he's very helpful and not intimidating and so that was great. I finally met the other guy who is in my year who also is an ISU alum. Weirdly enough, he got degrees in English and Biology, so we have a sort of similar history. Anyway, we had individual meetings with Dr. Halverson after the big one. That went well, we both agreed that it was wise for me to take BBMB 404 again. I took it in undergrad, but I took it online and only got a C+. I don't feel confident in my ability to do biochemistry and I don't think I could pass 405 if I went straight into it, so I'd rather repeat 404 in an actual classroom with an actual teacher and do better. We also talked a bit about rotations and who I should look into, and this evening I sent out my first inquiry.
I have to say that asking for a rotation is my least favorite thing to do. I think I would rather speak in public than asking for a rotation. It feels like cold-calling, and it actually kind of is. All of these factors out of my control go into it-whether the person has funding, whether they have space in the lab, how they feel about having students work for them, etc etc. Then it comes down to a meeting and whether I sell myself well. I absolutely hate it and it's such an anxiety-ridden process for me. Now I know the professor I emailed today is well-funded, and I have a special fellowship, so hopefully money doesn't keep me out. I did talk to him when I interviewed, and he seemed nice and I know he has students in the lab, so it probably comes down to space. I really hope there's space. Once the first rotation is set up, then I have time to get the next two nailed down. I'm waiting now for a response. It's out of my control, but I hate hate hate having to wait on something like this.
I have to say that asking for a rotation is my least favorite thing to do. I think I would rather speak in public than asking for a rotation. It feels like cold-calling, and it actually kind of is. All of these factors out of my control go into it-whether the person has funding, whether they have space in the lab, how they feel about having students work for them, etc etc. Then it comes down to a meeting and whether I sell myself well. I absolutely hate it and it's such an anxiety-ridden process for me. Now I know the professor I emailed today is well-funded, and I have a special fellowship, so hopefully money doesn't keep me out. I did talk to him when I interviewed, and he seemed nice and I know he has students in the lab, so it probably comes down to space. I really hope there's space. Once the first rotation is set up, then I have time to get the next two nailed down. I'm waiting now for a response. It's out of my control, but I hate hate hate having to wait on something like this.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Ugh.
Tonight is the first night I've felt any kind of homesickness. I don't really know what sparked it, if it's just time to be homesick, or if it's the weather, or if it's that I made chocolate chip cookies from the family recipe today, but I'm feeling kind of down. I'm sure I'll be back to normal soon, but for now I am all weirded out.
Next week there's some kind of mandatory meeting on Tuesday morning, and then I have an individual meeting with Dr. Halverson afterward. I think this is when they tell us the procedure for getting our rotations set up. I'm not positive how that works yet. I'm a bit nervous about that because I don't know if the people I want to rotate with are taking students, and if they aren't then I have to try and find other people. I think rotations are more stressful than classes.
Speaking of classes, my schedule is actually pretty awesome. At Georgetown we were taking a full load, like an undergraduate. I still have 12 credits this semester, but the way they're configured is pretty cool. I have Biochemistry all semester, as well as Bioethics, and once a week there's a microbiology seminar I have to go to. The other three classes are Microbial Phylogeny, Pathogenic Microorganisms, and Bacterial Physiology. But they're each only about a month long. So instead of taking all three at the same time, they're one at a time. It's way better and it leaves enough time in my schedule to actually get something done at a lab rotation. So that definitely made me happy. Also, I already have the Biochemistry textbook, and so far there's only one other book I need to buy, so I won't have to spend a lot of money this semester on textbooks. Yay.
Anyway, next Thursday I have to go to four hours of safety training. BLEAH. I have done lab safety so many times that I should get a waiver or something. It will be boring and useless. Ick.
I promise I am having fun though. Tomorrow I'm going to a grill-out that my friend Mike put together. Mostly the people that are coming are people I know, although there are a couple I haven't met yet. That's why I was making cookies, I thought it would be nice to bring something for dessert. And next Wednesday I'm going to see Rifftrax Live: Jack the Giant Killer. Rifftrax is done by the people who did Mystery Science Theater 3000, so it's really funny.
Next week there's some kind of mandatory meeting on Tuesday morning, and then I have an individual meeting with Dr. Halverson afterward. I think this is when they tell us the procedure for getting our rotations set up. I'm not positive how that works yet. I'm a bit nervous about that because I don't know if the people I want to rotate with are taking students, and if they aren't then I have to try and find other people. I think rotations are more stressful than classes.
Speaking of classes, my schedule is actually pretty awesome. At Georgetown we were taking a full load, like an undergraduate. I still have 12 credits this semester, but the way they're configured is pretty cool. I have Biochemistry all semester, as well as Bioethics, and once a week there's a microbiology seminar I have to go to. The other three classes are Microbial Phylogeny, Pathogenic Microorganisms, and Bacterial Physiology. But they're each only about a month long. So instead of taking all three at the same time, they're one at a time. It's way better and it leaves enough time in my schedule to actually get something done at a lab rotation. So that definitely made me happy. Also, I already have the Biochemistry textbook, and so far there's only one other book I need to buy, so I won't have to spend a lot of money this semester on textbooks. Yay.
Anyway, next Thursday I have to go to four hours of safety training. BLEAH. I have done lab safety so many times that I should get a waiver or something. It will be boring and useless. Ick.
I promise I am having fun though. Tomorrow I'm going to a grill-out that my friend Mike put together. Mostly the people that are coming are people I know, although there are a couple I haven't met yet. That's why I was making cookies, I thought it would be nice to bring something for dessert. And next Wednesday I'm going to see Rifftrax Live: Jack the Giant Killer. Rifftrax is done by the people who did Mystery Science Theater 3000, so it's really funny.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
19. Favorite minor that decided to shove himself into the spotlight and why!
Nothing is really going on that's worth writing about in Iowa right now, since class hasn't started, so until something exciting happens all you get to read is writing meme.
My favorite minor character that eventually ended up being heavily involved is Evgeni's father Nicolas in Last Days of the Unreal City. Originally he was not even alive, and then he was missing. I never planned for Jaelle and Evgeni to go meet him, much less for him to have a huge impact on the plot by directing them to a group of rebel fighters. So that was kind of a surprise. It ended up being pretty awesome though, and I had fun writing this grumpy old Russian engineer.
My favorite minor character that eventually ended up being heavily involved is Evgeni's father Nicolas in Last Days of the Unreal City. Originally he was not even alive, and then he was missing. I never planned for Jaelle and Evgeni to go meet him, much less for him to have a huge impact on the plot by directing them to a group of rebel fighters. So that was kind of a surprise. It ended up being pretty awesome though, and I had fun writing this grumpy old Russian engineer.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
18. Favorite antagonist and why!
This is actually a hard question, because I genuinely dislike every antagonist I write. So far they've all been straight up bad guys too, no tragic antiheroes or morally complex villains. I think that's because if I wrote one of the latter characters, they would end up being the protagonist. So I really don't have a favorite antagonist.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Moving In Is Hard Work
So I thought that the hard part was done Monday, when we moved everything out of the truck and into the apartment in 100+ degree heat. I think that was the hardest part, but the rest of the week hasn't been much easier. It took me two days to render my bedroom and kitchen usable, and then today I tackled my books. I have probably close to a thousand books, and that made about 30 boxes worth sitting in my front room. I had managed to get two bookcases up in my office, so I filled those first, then maneuvered around and got the other two bookcases up in the living room and filled them. Then I patted myself on the back because I thought I had managed to fit every book I owned into these four bookcases.
Then I noticed the two boxes sitting off to one side labeled 'books.' Ugh. So I drove to Target and bought another bookcase. It was cheap but all my bookcases are cheap. I don't make enough money to get fancy shit yet. I got home at 4pm and dragged the box into my bedroom to put this bookcase together.
At 6:30 I was finally done. What a nightmare. I knew this thing was cheap, but geez. It had the requisite instructions not in English, but every single hole where a screw was supposed to go was too short and too narrow. So I had to re-drill every single hole. Then to top it all off, I finally got this thing together and up and realized that I had put one of the top sides on wrong, meaning there were no holes for the pegs that hold the shelves to go. I was not about to take the entire bloody bookcase apart to fix it, so I just drilled through the side and put the two holes I wanted in. It looks a little weird but I don't care because it works and it was a twenty dollar bookcase to begin with.
It's done and all my books are now really unpacked, but what a pain in the ass! I do not want to do that again anytime soon!
Then I noticed the two boxes sitting off to one side labeled 'books.' Ugh. So I drove to Target and bought another bookcase. It was cheap but all my bookcases are cheap. I don't make enough money to get fancy shit yet. I got home at 4pm and dragged the box into my bedroom to put this bookcase together.
At 6:30 I was finally done. What a nightmare. I knew this thing was cheap, but geez. It had the requisite instructions not in English, but every single hole where a screw was supposed to go was too short and too narrow. So I had to re-drill every single hole. Then to top it all off, I finally got this thing together and up and realized that I had put one of the top sides on wrong, meaning there were no holes for the pegs that hold the shelves to go. I was not about to take the entire bloody bookcase apart to fix it, so I just drilled through the side and put the two holes I wanted in. It looks a little weird but I don't care because it works and it was a twenty dollar bookcase to begin with.
It's done and all my books are now really unpacked, but what a pain in the ass! I do not want to do that again anytime soon!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
17. Favorite protagonist and why!
You know, I really liked Jaelle from Last Days of the Unreal City. It was fun to write a scientist for once. It was also fun to write her as a bit of a rebel in a strict patriarchal society. I really should go back and do a second draft of Last Days. There's so much in all the characters that didn't get put in the first go round, and I think there's a lot to expand on, especially in Jaelle's case.
I think that Liera in the upcoming novel may become my favorite. Of course, this character and this story have been bouncing around in my head for more than a decade now, so Liera is practically part of me at this point. I'm really looking forward to writing this one.
I think that Liera in the upcoming novel may become my favorite. Of course, this character and this story have been bouncing around in my head for more than a decade now, so Liera is practically part of me at this point. I'm really looking forward to writing this one.
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