I guess I should update

School is going okay. I've gotten good grades so far. Lab is alright, although I'm not sure I'm that interested in what they're doing and I've butted heads a little with the lab manager. I only have five more weeks there so I'm just trying to stick it out and do the best I can until it's over. Really though, I'm struggling. For the past week I have woken up with the worst anxiety. As soon as I wake up, it hits me before I can even have time to consciously worry about something. It's so bad that I'm having trouble eating in the morning and it's really throwing me off. It goes away in an hour or two but sometimes it takes longer before I can eat. It sucks so much. I have an appointment to see a counselor but it's not until next week so I'm trying to just hang on until then. I bought some applesauce today because I thought that it might be easier to eat than solid food in the morning. Ginger ale helps a little bit too. Anyway, I hope it gets better soon because it's really putting a cramp in my life, otherwise I would be feeling a lot better.

Okay, I feel better now

I just booked Memo's boarding so that I can come home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas! Yay!! At first I thought I was only going to be home for Christmas. But the way it turns out, I'll be done with my rotation at Dr. Bogdanove's at the beginning of November, and my rotation with Dr. Zhang doesn't start until January. So I will be free to go home! I am so so excited and I'm really looking forward to seeing my family. Hopefully I'll be able to meet my nephew if he's home by then too. Anyway, yay going home!

First year homesickness, part 1

Today I was really hit hard by a wave of homesickness that I can't really explain. I think it may have been triggered by the fact that this week I officially take possession of the title to my car and register it in Iowa, getting Iowa plates and all. I've never had to do any of that before, I've always driven on my dad's insurance and he owns the car, so it's weird and new and freaks me out. But yeah, I felt so homesick that I cried a lot for no reason and eventually called home for the second time in one day so I could talk to somebody.
I guess part of it is that I do live alone, and I like that, but I feel isolated from my friends because they all live in Des Moines and I'm in Ames. And I don't want to butt in on their lives every weekend just so I don't feel lonely. Plus I'm single, and it's really hard to be single and away from my family, because I'm not physically near anyone that I'm super super close to. I don't really know how to do that yet and it's kind of hard. I really want to date and have a relationship, but I don't want to just date the first person that shows any interest because I'm desperate. But I am kind of lonely. I really don't know what to do about that.
Hopefully I'll feel better because tomorrow it's back to school and lab and I'll be busy. This Saturday I've planned to go see the BodyWorlds exhibit at the Des Moines Science Center, since I've never been and I have really wanted to see it for a while. I'm hoping that just getting out of the house for a while will help me feel better.

First Rotation!

I got my first lab rotation set up today! Sweet relief. I was getting kind of nervous there because technically all of us are supposed to start our rotations by next Tuesday. So yeah, it got cut pretty close, but I am officially rotating in Dr. Bogdanove's lab. I have meetings scheduled with two other professors, so hopefully I'll have all three rotations set soon.
Anyway, Dr. Bogdanove works on plant pathology, specifically pathogens of rice. The bacteria make these proteins called TAL effectors. When the bacteria infect a plant, they secrete the TAL effectors which go into the plant nucleus, bind specific DNA promoters, and activate transcription of those genes. Usually the genes that are transcribed help the bacteria infect the plant cells better in some way, but some plants have evolved some resistance mechanisms. The interesting part is the TAL effectors, because they're specific and they can be engineered to recognize pretty much any DNA sequence. There are several projects going on, but I picked to work on the one that requires the most plant pathology, and therefore I know the least about. I figured that I might as well learn a bunch of stuff right away rather than stay in my comfort zone with basic molecular biology. So I'm going to be taking TAL effectors from one type of this bacteria, putting them into another type of the bacteria, and then infecting the plants to see if the different TAL effectors change how the bacteria infect the plant. I'll be able to explain it better once I'm doing it, I'm sure. But I'm really looking forward to starting!

23AndMe Results!

So about a month ago I decided to do genetic testing on myself, mostly for curiosity's sake. I went with 23andme because I've had several friends use it and like it. Just last night my results came in, so instead of going to bed like a normal person I stayed up for two hours looking at everything. Obviously I can't talk about my increased risks or anything like that because even though there's a genetic non-discrimination act in place, I wouldn't count on anyone following through on it. So here's the other stuff.
mtDNA haplogroup: I'll start with this one because it really threw me for a loop. I'm Native American on my mother's side. My great-great-grandmother spoke Cherokee. This is how I was raised, this is what I am. That's important. My haplogroup is H2a1, which originated about 26,000 years ago in the Middle East, around Turkey. It slowly spread through Eastern, Northern, and parts of Western Europe. It is not one of the haplogroups that indicates Native American ancestry. My first reaction was something like WHAT. Then I poked around on the 23andme forums and found out some interesting things. First of all, the haplogroups to determine NA ancestry and the modern Asian haplogroups because they're aren't many NA people who've done genotyping to compare to. Secondly, many people, some of whom have more documentation than I do, who are related to NA tribes on the Eastern seaboard do not have a typical NA haplogroup. Weird, huh? Currently there are a couple of hypotheses floating around to explain that. There's the Solutrean Hypothesis, which no one can really prove or disprove at this time, which posits that people came from southwestern Europe to the Americas about 20,000 years ago, before the Bering Land Bridge, and they're the ancestors of lots of eastern tribes. The second is that this maternal haplogroup came from Vikings who settled in the Americas before Columbus. The third, which is possible for my family in particular, is that we picked up this haplogroup from one of the Roanoke colonists who intermarried with local Native Americans. So that was weird, and I've just joined Ancestry.com to see if I can follow a paper trail and get more information about my family that way.
Decreased Risks: I'm at decreased risk for breast cancer, Alzheimer's disease, lupus, MS, melanoma, ovarian cancer, and osteoarthritis. All of which makes me very happy.
Traits: So I obviously don't have the alcohol flush response, which it accurately predicted. It also accurately knew that I was a bitter supertaster. It also accurately predicted my eye colour (blue), my hair curl (it's wavy), and that I'm more of a sprinter than an endurance runner. One of the things I thought was fun is that I'm apparently less susceptible to contracting leprosy if I'm exposed to it. I can armadillos with impunity! It also accurately showed that I have extremely good episodic memory.
Drug Response: So apparently I would have a really good response to interferon beta if I ever took it. I guess that's good. But I'm extremely susceptible to liver toxicity from floxacillin. Luckily that drug isn't used in the US, but if I go back to Europe it's good to know. It also says that I'm a slow caffeine metabolizer, so the reason I need so much coffee to feel an effect must be because I drink too much or something like that.
Yeah, so that's my DNA!

Here's a picture of my cat playing in my kitchen with a golf ball

First year anxiety, part two

This week was the first week of class. I think it went alright. Two of my classes are pass/fail. Of course one of them is journal club and I have to present in it, but I signed up for December 1st so I can put off freaking out about it for awhile. The other pass/fail class is Ethics. I think it will be pretty easy. Then I have Micro 551, which is Microbial Diversity. It's only five weeks long, then it's replaced by Pathogenic Microorganisms and then Bacterial Genetics. I think it won't be too bad. I don't know how in depth it will be and there's only one exam, but it's a short class and I think it will be okay. Then there's Biochemistry. It's a huge class full of undergrads, of course, but the professor says he wants everyone to know big concepts rather than minutiae. Whether that will play out in his exams and homework remains to be seen. The annoying thing about the class is that all of the tests are online and we have to take them at the Online Learning Center in Carver Hall. This is stupid. If I wanted to take my tests online, I'd take the whole freaking class online! I am not amused by this at all. Oh well. I'll live with it.
The major source of my anxiety thus far is that I still don't have any rotations set up. Two people have said no, and I'm waiting to hear from two people right now. If I don't hear from anyone by tomorrow afternoon, then I'll email two more people. I really only have about ten days to get the first one set up, so I'm really nervous.
In the land of non-grad school but still annoying things, my cat is still stressed about the move and I think might be picking up on my anxiety a little because he took a pee on my papasan chair this evening. So tomorrow after class I have to drive to Ankeny to go to Petsmart and get some enzyme cleaner to get the smell out. I can't blame him too much because he's a nervous cat, and he takes some calming treats called Composure every day, but it is one more thing I didn't need to deal with. I actually need to find a vet to take him to soon, since he's due for his rabies shot, so maybe I can talk to them and see if they can offer anything else to help him out. He's got the Feliway diffuser and the Composure, maybe he needs a short course of antidepressants again. I don't know. Anyway, more crap I have to do.
I've also been eating like crap the past couple of days. It sucks because I'm obviously still trying to lose weight, but I just felt so out of control. I'm trying to go back to the Weight Watchers basics and be really good about tracking my points and exercising so hopefully I will start feeling better and less crazy. And hopefully I didn't do too much damage to my weight. I did buy a swimsuit this week though, which I haven't done in four years, and it's a really cute one that doesn't look horrible on me, so I guess that's good.

First year anxiety, part one of many

This morning we had a meeting with the dean of the IM program. Dr. Halverson is a really nice guy and he's very helpful and not intimidating and so that was great. I finally met the other guy who is in my year who also is an ISU alum. Weirdly enough, he got degrees in English and Biology, so we have a sort of similar history. Anyway, we had individual meetings with Dr. Halverson after the big one. That went well, we both agreed that it was wise for me to take BBMB 404 again. I took it in undergrad, but I took it online and only got a C+. I don't feel confident in my ability to do biochemistry and I don't think I could pass 405 if I went straight into it, so I'd rather repeat 404 in an actual classroom with an actual teacher and do better. We also talked a bit about rotations and who I should look into, and this evening I sent out my first inquiry.
I have to say that asking for a rotation is my least favorite thing to do. I think I would rather speak in public than asking for a rotation. It feels like cold-calling, and it actually kind of is. All of these factors out of my control go into it-whether the person has funding, whether they have space in the lab, how they feel about having students work for them, etc etc. Then it comes down to a meeting and whether I sell myself well. I absolutely hate it and it's such an anxiety-ridden process for me. Now I know the professor I emailed today is well-funded, and I have a special fellowship, so hopefully money doesn't keep me out. I did talk to him when I interviewed, and he seemed nice and I know he has students in the lab, so it probably comes down to space. I really hope there's space. Once the first rotation is set up, then I have time to get the next two nailed down. I'm waiting now for a response. It's out of my control, but I hate hate hate having to wait on something like this.

Ugh.

Tonight is the first night I've felt any kind of homesickness. I don't really know what sparked it, if it's just time to be homesick, or if it's the weather, or if it's that I made chocolate chip cookies from the family recipe today, but I'm feeling kind of down. I'm sure I'll be back to normal soon, but for now I am all weirded out.
Next week there's some kind of mandatory meeting on Tuesday morning, and then I have an individual meeting with Dr. Halverson afterward. I think this is when they tell us the procedure for getting our rotations set up. I'm not positive how that works yet. I'm a bit nervous about that because I don't know if the people I want to rotate with are taking students, and if they aren't then I have to try and find other people. I think rotations are more stressful than classes.
Speaking of classes, my schedule is actually pretty awesome. At Georgetown we were taking a full load, like an undergraduate. I still have 12 credits this semester, but the way they're configured is pretty cool. I have Biochemistry all semester, as well as Bioethics, and once a week there's a microbiology seminar I have to go to. The other three classes are Microbial Phylogeny, Pathogenic Microorganisms, and Bacterial Physiology. But they're each only about a month long. So instead of taking all three at the same time, they're one at a time. It's way better and it leaves enough time in my schedule to actually get something done at a lab rotation. So that definitely made me happy. Also, I already have the Biochemistry textbook, and so far there's only one other book I need to buy, so I won't have to spend a lot of money this semester on textbooks. Yay.
Anyway, next Thursday I have to go to four hours of safety training. BLEAH. I have done lab safety so many times that I should get a waiver or something. It will be boring and useless. Ick.
I promise I am having fun though. Tomorrow I'm going to a grill-out that my friend Mike put together. Mostly the people that are coming are people I know, although there are a couple I haven't met yet. That's why I was making cookies, I thought it would be nice to bring something for dessert. And next Wednesday I'm going to see Rifftrax Live: Jack the Giant Killer. Rifftrax is done by the people who did Mystery Science Theater 3000, so it's really funny.

19. Favorite minor that decided to shove him­self into the spot­light and why!

Nothing is really going on that's worth writing about in Iowa right now, since class hasn't started, so until something exciting happens all you get to read is writing meme.

My favorite minor character that eventually ended up being heavily involved is Evgeni's father Nicolas in Last Days of the Unreal City. Originally he was not even alive, and then he was missing. I never planned for Jaelle and Evgeni to go meet him, much less for him to have a huge impact on the plot by directing them to a group of rebel fighters. So that was kind of a surprise. It ended up being pretty awesome though, and I had fun writing this grumpy old Russian engineer.

18. Favorite antag­o­nist and why!

This is actually a hard question, because I genuinely dislike every antagonist I write. So far they've all been straight up bad guys too, no tragic antiheroes or morally complex villains. I think that's because if I wrote one of the latter characters, they would end up being the protagonist. So I really don't have a favorite antagonist.

Moving In Is Hard Work

So I thought that the hard part was done Monday, when we moved everything out of the truck and into the apartment in 100+ degree heat. I think that was the hardest part, but the rest of the week hasn't been much easier. It took me two days to render my bedroom and kitchen usable, and then today I tackled my books. I have probably close to a thousand books, and that made about 30 boxes worth sitting in my front room. I had managed to get two bookcases up in my office, so I filled those first, then maneuvered around and got the other two bookcases up in the living room and filled them. Then I patted myself on the back because I thought I had managed to fit every book I owned into these four bookcases.
Then I noticed the two boxes sitting off to one side labeled 'books.' Ugh. So I drove to Target and bought another bookcase. It was cheap but all my bookcases are cheap. I don't make enough money to get fancy shit yet. I got home at 4pm and dragged the box into my bedroom to put this bookcase together.
At 6:30 I was finally done. What a nightmare. I knew this thing was cheap, but geez. It had the requisite instructions not in English, but every single hole where a screw was supposed to go was too short and too narrow. So I had to re-drill every single hole. Then to top it all off, I finally got this thing together and up and realized that I had put one of the top sides on wrong, meaning there were no holes for the pegs that hold the shelves to go. I was not about to take the entire bloody bookcase apart to fix it, so I just drilled through the side and put the two holes I wanted in. It looks a little weird but I don't care because it works and it was a twenty dollar bookcase to begin with.
It's done and all my books are now really unpacked, but what a pain in the ass! I do not want to do that again anytime soon!

17. Favorite pro­tag­o­nist and why!

You know, I really liked Jaelle from Last Days of the Unreal City. It was fun to write a scientist for once. It was also fun to write her as a bit of a rebel in a strict patriarchal society. I really should go back and do a second draft of Last Days. There's so much in all the characters that didn't get put in the first go round, and I think there's a lot to expand on, especially in Jaelle's case.
I think that Liera in the upcoming novel may become my favorite. Of course, this character and this story have been bouncing around in my head for more than a decade now, so Liera is practically part of me at this point. I'm really looking forward to writing this one.

16. Do you write roman­tic rela­tion­ships? How do you do with those, and how “far” are you will­ing to go in your writ­ing? ;)

Oh God, I've tried but I kind of suck. I feel like when I write them that everything rushes along way too quickly and it only makes sense to me and not anyone else who reads it. But I keep trying, because how else will I get better? I don't write anything explicit though, I just can't manage to do that with any amount of realism. I have enough trouble trying to progress the characters from strangers, to friends, to lovers without it sounding stupid.

I'm Here!

Woo, this is my first official post from Iowa. I finally have a couple of minutes to type. I've been busy! On Sunday I left Michigan for good and drove all the way to Ames. Yesterday we spent the whole day unloading the trailer. It was awful, because with the heat index it was about 110 degrees out. I have never been so sweaty in my life. It sucked. But we got it all done and had dinner at Hickory Park and the ice cream made all the hard work acceptable. Today was putting a bunch of furniture together, and then realizing I needed more furniture, and then buying it and grocery shopping, and that's where I'm at. Oh, we also ate lunch at the Machine Shed in Des Moines, because I went there once with a friend and enjoyed it, so I took my parents there. Now we're going to shim some of my bookcases and my pantry, go visit my great-aunt Barbara's grave, eat dinner, and try to put together my recumbent bicycle. It should be interesting. But now I'm here!

Programming Note the Deuce

I'm moving to Ames this weekend! And, I need to pack my whole life right now. Which means that as of today, my desktop computer will be packed up. I still have my netbook, but my internet time will be restricted for the next week or so. Hopefully I will have internet soon when I move. My apartment has internet as an included utility. It's awesome not to pay extra for it, but I have no idea how setting it up works. I may just be able to plug in my cable modem and get on the internet, or it might be more complicated. I have no clue.

15. Mid­way ques­tion! Tell us about a writer you admire, whether pro­fes­sional or not!

I really like Neil Gaiman. Sandman was such a huge deal for me. The way he wrote it, and the way the comic was put together (and I have to give the inkers/colorists/etc props for that as well) made it so real to me. It was like I was reading something that I had always known about, but I only knew it unconsciously and it was brought into the light. Everything else he has written has drawn me in the same way, in that I literally cannot put the book down until I am done.
I also admire Robert Jordan's ability to create such a gigantic world in Wheel of Time, especially in a post-LOTR fantasy world. I actually think the WoT world is more complex than LOTR's world, and I can barely keep it straight when I'm reading, so being able to keep all of these threads in order when creating it is even more impressive to me. I also have to say that Mr. Jordan impressed me with how well he was able to write all of his female characters, when I struggle with writing my male characters.

It's Getting Real

I'm moving in eight days. Crazy! I thought I would be way more prepared for it but I'm not. I haven't even finished packing. I still have a whole bookcase left! I'm getting nervous. The U-Pack box is being dropped off on Monday and it leaves on Thursday. Then I leave on Sunday and move in August 1st. I am crazy nervous right now and have all the horror scenarios running through my head. I even had nervous dreams last night that left me feeling really weirded out. I'm sure it will all go just fine but I can't help but be anxious. Part of having a panic disorder, I guess.
I am way more prepared than when I moved back to Michigan from DC. I barely had anything packed when the truck came then, so I guess I'm in better shape. Still nervous though. It also doesn't help that it's been insanely hot here for the past week. That makes it harder to do things like haul stuff up and down stairs and it severely interferes with my motivation to do anything. Yeah.
I think I have gotten most of my paperwork figured out, as in when I can do it. Switching driver's licenses and stuff is such a pain, but I have to wait at least a month before I can do that anyway. I do have to remember to turn the electricity on in my apartment before I leave. It will be kind of awkward to forget.

14. How do you map out loca­tions, if needed? Do you have any to show us?

I've only had to do this once, and I actually drew a little map out so I could make sure I didn't accidentally put two places in the same spot or something equally silly. It's hand drawn though, so I don't have it to put up. Maybe I can make a MSPaint version when I write the novel this November? That would be kind of cute.

13. What’s your favorite cul­ture to write, fic­tional or not?

This probably gives me away as a crappy writer, but I haven't ever written any particularly in-depth cultural differences. It would probably make a couple of my stories better, but they haven't moved beyond first or second drafts so I haven't done any cultural explication. Honestly I'm more interested in getting characters and plots first and adding world details later. Plus what I've written so far hasn't been set in ultra-diverse areas to being with. Last Days was either a post-apocalyptic wasteland or a strict neo-Victorian floating city. Terminal Dreams was set in the modern day United States. My NaNo novel this year is set in an entirely fictional world. So I haven't even really written something that had a lot of cultural diversity to initially put in. Not to mention that I'm still at the point where I feel more comfortable writing what I know, so I'm not about to go writing about a culture that I'm not part of and haven't studied extensively.